


make your fingers soft and light, let your body be the velvet of the night

by ladysparkles



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Late Night Conversations, M/M, References to Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21812971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladysparkles/pseuds/ladysparkles
Summary: After returning from York, Richard gets to know Thomas and Thomas gets to confide in someone.
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Richard Ellis
Comments: 19
Kudos: 128





	make your fingers soft and light, let your body be the velvet of the night

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this is very rushed, wanted this to be a gift!
> 
> Also I tried omniscient narration, it gets messy.

The house was quiet and dark as Richard and Thomas returned from York. Thomas led Richard through the door and locked it behind him. As they neared the stairs, Richard wondered if it would be imprudent to ask Thomas to show him back to his room. After all, he was only a guest in the house and needed a more experienced guide.

Thomas stopped and turned towards him. “Before we go up, would you like some tea?”

“That would be nice.” Richard said.

Thomas smiled in a way that was half dutiful and half shy. He nodded towards the servants’ dining room and led the way in. He placed his hat down in front of a chair that Richard assumed to be his spot. 

“Make yourself comfortable.” He said as he went to the kitchen to fetch the tea. 

Richard sat down at the seat across the table from Thomas’s. This way they’d be able to sit and look at each other while they talked. Hopefully that was what Thomas had in mind.

Thomas returned with two teacups.

“Thanks.” Richard said, taking one.

Thomas nodded. “Wasn’t sure if you ate with your parents. Would you like me to look for food?”

“Don’t worry about me, I’m alright.” Richard assured him. “Sit down, why don’t you?”

Accepting that there was no guise to postpone, Thomas sat down.

“Is your pulse still racing?” Richard asked as if he were continuing a conversation that they already.

“I…” Thomas started to answer but Richard was reaching for Thomas’s hand before he had a chance to say anything more. Thomas had half a mind to pull back, feeling that once he held Richard’s hand he wouldn’t want to let go. But the last thing he wanted to do was push away someone who had done so much for him, so he placed his right hand in Richard’s. It felt nice, being touched that way, as Richard’s fingers smoothly navigated their way to Thomas’s wrist. Thomas watched Richard’s expression as he felt over the scars, as soon as it occurred to Richard what had happened his eyes snapped up to meet Thomas’s.

“I’m sorry.” They both said at the same time. 

“Don’t be,” said Richard. He shifted his grip on Thomas’s hand, but didn’t let go. “I am sorry…” He hardly knew where to start. “If you didn’t want me to know.”

Thomas shrugged. “You and almost everyone else in this house.”

“How’s that?”

“It happened here.” Thomas paused.  At this point, if he didn’t tell him, he’d just make his own assumptions, so why not. And if Richard had a problem with where the conversation was going, he could start by letting go of his hand. “I spent most of my life here and didn’t make myself any friends. But I did feel like I belonged here. If nothing else, to do my job. But then they wanted rid of me entirely and I had nothing. Not here, not anywhere. It felt like my life was ending, so why not complete the job?”

Richard took it all in, rubbing Thomas’s hand with his thumb, no designs to let go. To have called him glum before seemed rather flippant in hindsight. “Things have improved for you, it seems.”

“Eventually, I suppose.” Thomas nodded. “At first, I went to work at a different--smaller--house, I had gone from having nobody who liked me to having nobody at all. I didn’t know how long I could manage it. Then I was offered the butler position here.”

“Then are you happy here, Mr. Barrow?” Richard asked. All things considered it was hard to see how he would be, yet here he was. “Usually, at least?”

Thomas sighed. “As much as I think someone like me can be. It’s a big house, but not big enough for secrets. I said almost everyone here knew about what happened--to some extent. And they know the rest about me too. People here could ruin me, and some have tried. I used to try to get an upper hand, but when the worst everyone else has done is steal stuff nobody cares about anymore there’s not much upper hand to be had. And it costs me too much to try anymore.”

Richard couldn’t blame him for viewing the situation like that, everyone did in their own way. “The devil you know is better than the one you don’t.”

Thomas nodded. If he had looked a bit shaken earlier in the night, now he looked positively out of sorts. At the police station, Richard had assessed him to be uninitiated to that part of their world, merely new and inexperienced. He had not considered the idea that he had been fighting so many battles of his own, and there were probably even more that he hadn’t mentioned.

“Mr. Barrow, you’re quite brave to be handling all that with such grace.”

Thomas looked down and shook his head as he registered the compliment. “Well, I don’t know about that...”

“And I’m your ally now.” Richard said firmly, not wanting to let the phone call or the jail be viewed as singular favors. “You’ll be mine.”

Thomas couldn’t contain his smile. It had been quite awhile since he’d had a friend like that, and even then it wasn’t the same. “Before tonight I hadn’t met men like me in such a long time. I’ll bet in London you often do.”`

“Like us in that way, from time to time yes. But like you in all the other ways? Not any that I can think of.”

Thomas’s eyes searched Richard’s face, looking for something to tell him he was wrong to hope. He couldn’t find anything, but nonetheless he didn’t want to ask for too much. Just an ally, maybe a friend, someone who understood him. He placed his left hand on top of Richard’s hand that was still holding his right.

Richard looked down at the glove and smiled slightly. He’d get that story some other time.

**Author's Note:**

> I just felt like the movie had not nearly enough hand touches so I needed to throw in some substance to justify writing it. ✌


End file.
